How I Found My Mentor (Without Realising It)
“The cost of not talking is huge. A mentor offers support through our careers, relationships, transitions and life’s challenges.”
I didn’t seek out my mentor. He found me and changed my life. Around him I stopped feeling like a loser and grew in confidence. I was in my late 20s and dreaded Sundays. All week I was distracted by a full-on job, partying after work, recovering Saturday morning, followed by more partying Saturday night. Living the dream. But then came Sunday morning. My flatmate was asleep, the street deserted, nothing on TV, everything quiet. I’d try to read, but in the silence a deep sadness overwhelmed me. I was stuck, longing for something, but didn’t know what. My boss’ constant criticism was also eating me up, but I squashed these feelings, thinking there was no one to talk to. I wasn’t in a relationship. My dad would have just said, “Get a girlfriend.” Telling my friends seemed lame. Over the next two years I lost weight, had disastrous relationships, endured three more bosses from hell and almost got sacked. Then a life-changing thing happened: I got a new, very different boss.
Steve had played US college basketball in his youth and led us like a sports team. Sometimes he’d raise his voice (this was the early 90s), saying, “I’m not here to be nice. But you’ll thank me.” And thank him I did. We could express our opinions. He listened, argued, asked questions and got us to think, raising standards and expectations. He invested in me personally.
“ He listened, argued, asked questions and got us to think, raising standards and expectations. He invested in me personally.”
I finally had someone to talk to about all of life. Work, aspirations, personal struggles, doubts, the whole lot. When my wonderful mother-in-law died I cried on his shoulder. We became friends, but above all Steve was my ‘mentor’, going beyond friend and boss. He gave me his time and experience. He listened and didn’t give up. He was open about his own challenges at work and home. I felt hope for the first time in years. This man I respected believed in me.
My confidence grew, as did my success in work, relationships and enjoyment of life.
We can all benefit from a mentor to help us face our issues: loss, anger, confusion, disappointment, failure and fear of the future. The cost of not talking is huge. A mentor offers support through our careers, relationships, transitions and life’s challenges.
I realise not everyone has a mentor just show up. Who do you have in your life like Steve? How can you build a relationship with them? How can you reach out to them?